


take heart

by franticfiction



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017), Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Fluff, Making Out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 02:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15160814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/franticfiction/pseuds/franticfiction
Summary: because we all need a bit of a charmie fluff right now <3





	take heart

_You have nothing to worry about._

Timothee fidgets in his seat. Armie reaches out and puts a hand on his knee. “You have nothing to worry about”

“I have many things to worry about,” Timmy corrects him. Even though he’s does not believe the lie that just came out from his mouth but he _does_ have things to worry about. The new role he’s filming soon, his new apartment, among other things.

“Okay, fine, you are right. You have many things to worry about. But tonight, this dinner, is not one of the things you need to be worrying about right now.” Armie sounds calm.

Timmy turns to look into the clear of  his lover’s blue eyes. He’s certain he’s searching for assurance, that what Armie says is what he’s actually feeling. Or maybe, he’s really searching for doubt, that Armie was just saying that to calm him down. Sometimes, a little part of him is still waiting for that other shoe to drop. But he’s glad that it hasn’t, hoping that it won’t. _Ever_.

“Armie, I’m about to walk into a house filled with your friends, the same people who were present on your wedding day with another person. I’m nothing a bundle of anxiety right now.” Just being able to say that out loud helps; well not a lot, but Armie can read him like a book anyways.

Armie doesn’t downplay how he feels, and so he grabs one of Timmy’s hand and kisses it, “They love you and you know that.” In all honesty, Timmy does know everyone inside that house, he’s met all of them and even has spent holidays with some of them. But tonight will be the first time he’ll be going as “ _Armie’s partner_.”

 _Partner? Boyfriend? Lover?_ Timmy can feel another wave of anxiety hit him.

“I don’t have an invite to this dinner remember?” Armie lifts his brows, a face of mock disappointment. “I’m just here to crash as your plus one, technically.”

Timmy rolls his eyes, sighing, “This whole Thanksgiving dinner tradition is something _you_ started with your friends, Armie. You don’t _need_ an invite.”

Armie chuckles, taking one of Timmy’s hands to press a kiss to his palm again. “I’m pretty sure Nick heard the sound of my car so before he sneaks up on us, shall we?”

Armie doesn’t let go of Timmy’s hand, weaving their fingers together and squeezing tightly; only exiting the car when Timmy gives him the final, determined nod. It’s in moments like this that Timmy struggles to find a better word for ‘lucky’, because he still can’t believe that he’s found him. The very person who has turned his life upside down, but in the best possible way. And among all the choices Armie had and has, _good_ _choices, better choices_ \- that he stuck with him.

Because Timmy is nothing like Armie- not even the slightest. Timmy calculates risk, tries to be wiser than his age. And Armie is a risk-taker. Armie doesn’t mind risks if they yield greater results and he doesn’t mind risking it all if he believes he’s doing it for the right reasons. Timmy doesn’t know how Armie does it- keeping the balance between the actor and the human, and staying sane. But that is exactly why Timmy fell for Armie all those years ago in Italy. Armie is everything he is not, that and so much more.  Every time they got together, just the two of them or among friends, Timmy couldn’t help but to soak up as much knowledge as he could from Armie. _The actor, the man, the husband, the whole package._ Except that knowledge was often the last thing on his mind whenever they met each other. The way Armie made him laugh, the way he made Armie laugh. It was just easy, _too_ _easy_ , for him to fall- to crave, _to covet._

And it wasn’t until Elizabeth ask him herself that Timmy was forced to deal with his own predicament, “You like him a lot, don’t you?” She smiled because she knew, and she didn’t judge. They were already drifting apart as it was and Timmy was the _random luck of the universe_.

But a lie was more convenient at that moment, “Of course I like him! Liz, your husband is a great guy and a wonderful actor!” But her smile, Timmy still remembers that smile until today. That smile was the beginning of a chapter’s ending.

 

What followed soon after was a slow burn and it started with a simple text : _“I’m separating. It’s gonna be messy. Will you wait for me?”_  It was a Tuesday night and he was out drinking with friends. Mind-numbingly loud music and alcohol scattered everywhere in an underground club somewhere on the Upper East side, but he had never experienced a more deafening silence and a more sober mind than that moment. He didn’t need to think twice about it because he’d been wanting to say it forever. “Yes.”

When it was time to break the news to the media, Timmy still hadn’t seen Armie in person. The word “amicable separation” was thrown around the press. Liz had chosen to stay at their home in LA. Armie had decided to move to Dallas temporarily. And everyone else was just baffled because there was never any kind of discord between the two. “They just simply grew apart” was the official statement. All the while, Timmy was playing the assigned role of the former co-star, the friend. Armie moved away to give space and to _get_ space, and Timmy understood. It was more than a decade of his life and Timmy couldn’t even begin to empathize with the hollow that it had left behind. But it killed him on the inside knowing that he had all the money he could ever need and he couldn’t even make a simple trip to Dallas. He wanted to be there for Armie, to be that cliche shoulder-to-cry-on person. It truly felt like half of his heart was being ripped to shreds and he couldn’t do anything to fix it.

In the end, it was Armie himself who finally assured him, that it was something that had to happen. Time needed to happen and time was the only solution.

“All I want to do right now is to hold you, kiss you and be with you, but I know that if I do that, I will hurt you. And I will lose you. I can’t afford to lose you, T. That’s not the price I’m willing to pay. Not now, not ever.”

 _This is the one risk I’m not willing to take, not if it means losing you._ The risk-taker was reduced to a mortal being.

***  


_“I just want to know that you’re still there.”_ Timmy wasn’t sure who said it first but that yearning was reciprocated. Many nights were spent listening to small sighs and incoherent mumbling on the phone. He remembers often falling asleep with his phone on loudspeaker, to the sound of Armie’s playing his guitar on the other side. And that was his favorite lullaby for many months. There were days where he wouldn’t hear anything from Armie for a long time, and Timmy would thought of the worst, “Maybe he’s met someone else?” But his worries were always proven wrong. Often by a simple picture in his inbox of a bucket of fish, sometimes a sizeable fish next to Armie’s smiling face and line after line of smiley emojis underneath it.

_“Don’t worry I’m always here.”_

It wasn’t until last year’s Thanksgiving when a bearded Armie showed up on the doorstep of his parents’ house in Manhattan, that Timmy felt the biggest relief of his life. He’d never hugged anyone as firmly as he did Armie that night. Armie smelled like cigarettes and oak- the older man had lost weight, he had dark circles too. Timmy ran his hands across the coarse fabric on Armie’s back, traced his fingers along Armie’s nape and then buried them amongst the lush blonde hair. Timmy still remembers everything about that evening; the always-confident Armie became this awkward and flustering man when his parents invited him in to join the dinner, the stolen glances in between meals and the shortest-but-sweetest goodbye kiss before Armie left.

 _I want to be with you._ Armie whispered as they were hugging goodbye after dinner. His taxi was waiting outside the door.

 _I want to be with you, Timmy._ He repeated, a gentle spark to rekindle the simmering passion between them. A whisper that had the collective weight of every emotion the man had been carrying with him for months was transformed into a simple request that need not to be asked.

Timmy pulled away slightly, tip-toed and kissed his love on the cheek. _I want to be with you too._ Timmy never knew how liberating a confession could be until that night and he knew there and then that he had done the right thing.

****

 

The walk towards Nick’s front door has never felt this intimidating before. Timmy’s hand is still clasped on Armie’s. Maybe a bit too hard. “Timmy, you’re gonna break my hand.” Armie softly chuckles and then pecks his cheek.

Thanksgiving has always been an occasion for Timmy. It always feels like it’s the time for getting together- a reconciliation- something similar to a homecoming. It has always been about being together with his most beloved, his most treasured. So, it’s only natural that this year he’s spending it with Armie. He doesn’t want to make a fuss about it but spending their first significant holiday together is a big deal for him. For Armie too.

“Heeeeyy!! Come on in!” Nick suddenly opens the door before either of them could knock.

Armie hugs his best friend, they exchange greetings and without hesitation, Nick then gives Timmy a bear hug. “Timmyyy! Glad you could make it!”

Someone else in the room squealed, “Armiieee! Timmyyyy! How are you two?”

Another familiar face greets him with a hug, asks him how he’s been doing. Timmy recalls this feeling of being amongst Armie’s friends, it’s still the same. There’s Nick who has known Armie since they were toddlers and always a joy to be around, there’s Ashton, who is handing him a cold bottle of beer because that’s just what Ashton does, there’s Peter, Tyler- everyone is here. _Okay, so maybe I was overreacting._ Timmy takes a big gulp of the beer in his hand. He glances at Armie who’s being whisked away towards the kitchen by a couple of his friends and at that same time, Armie turns his head and gives him a smile.

_We’re going to be okay._

*

“How do you feel about reindeers?”

“Uhmmm….” Timothée looks up, he’s nestled in between Armie’s legs, his back resting against the taller man’s chest. They are lounging on the couch in front of the fireplace.

“Reindeers are cute, aren’t they?” Armie states the fact as if he’d just seen reindeers for the first time. Except they are neither watching National Geography or reading any kind of books with the image or description of said animal.

“I’m pretty sure they are cute and adorable. I mean, they help Santa Claus gets around, handing out presents every December.” Timmy plays along.

“Ah, well since you brought up Christmas,” Armie tightens his arms circling Timmy’s body. The younger man lets Armie to hoist him up slightly as he burrows himself deeper into Armie’s embrace, burying his face on the crook of the older man’s neck. “I think we should celebrate Christmas at your place this year.”

“Okay.” Timmy has closed eyes by now, he’s too comfortable to even pretend that he cares about anything else outside this bubble. It’s a few days after Thanksgiving and Armie has rented a cabin by the side of Clear Lake for a short getaway. They have been toying with the idea of renting the place until the new year. But right now, Timmy is actually thinking of the idea of buying the place and living here altogether. He’s been thinking about buying a place upstate New York but Armie lives in LA and he doesn’t want to be separated by distance anymore. This cabin is the perfect middle ground for them, for now. It’s still in California but it’s quiet and peaceful. They can be themselves here. And most importantly, Armie loves it too.

“And your birthday.” Armie whispers close to his ears, as if he doesn’t want anyone else to hear.

“Armie, we’ve talked about this.”

“I know, I know… you don’t do birthdays.” Armie mumbles into Timmy’s hair.

“It’s-- it’s not that I don’t _do_ birthdays. I mean-- I just think-- you know, Christmas is more important. I mean, supposedly Jesus was born on that day and saved the world.”

Armie is laughing now and this makes Timmy to snuggle himself even more, pressing his giggles on Armie’s chest. There’s a genuine bliss in their laughter and Timmy makes a mental note on how grateful he is that they can be like this without any reservations anymore. Because after everything they have gone through, they don’t need grand gestures to declare their love for one another. An instantaneous banter such as this is what they treasure the most.

Armie takes a deep breath to calm himself. “Well, you saved me, T. And I think that’s worth celebrating too.” He kisses the younger man tenderly on the lips before he could respond.

“Okay, fine. But no surprises.” Timmy teasingly pokes Armie’s chest.

Armie gives an exaggerated sigh, “At all?” Timmy shakes his head firmly. “Well then, I need to tell Liz and break this gently to Harper because you know how much she--”

“Armand Douglas Hammer, don’t you dare using Harper as an excuse here!” He reaches his hand out and starts to tickle the other man.

****

 

It hasn’t always been easy being the new member of the family. Armie was already married and has 2 kids of his own, it needed compromise and adjustments from all parties involved. Armie’s parents have always been difficult. There’s no hate but the palpable disappointment is still too big of an obstacle for them to accept his son for who he truly is. With Elizabeth, it was easier. Liz has always been the level-headed one. She has always got on well with Timmy. It was awkward in the beginning but Timmy decided to reach out first. He wanted to apologize for being a part of the dissolution of their marriage.

That day, Liz made him a cup of tea, they were sitting at the kitchen in her house. “I’m just glad it’s you, T. Armie and I had known for a while that we barely had anything to hold on to but the memory of what we used to be. We tried, we really gave it a good shot to make it work. But in the end, we just couldn’t.”

Timmy was clutching the pristine white mug in his hands, he could see the kids having a swimming lesson in the backyard and the calmness in Liz’s voice, “How’s Armie?”

“I’m guessing he’s still in Dallas?”

“You haven’t met him?”

Timmy shook his head. He wanted to almost word-vomit on her about how he wanted to go but no one else thought it’s a good idea, But he didn’t. The woman who was sitting in front of her was still healing too. She gave him an understanding smile and reached out to hold his hand. “Thank you. You know you didn’t have to come here, right?”

“But I--”

Liz knew exactly what he was about to say, “No, T. You don’t owe me anything. This decision was made by us. We’re all adults here, we will get through this.”

Timmy saw Harper got out from the pool and waved at him. He smiled and waved back. And Liz noticed this too. “The kids will be fine. They’re strong like their Mama.”

He finally let himself smile and grasped her hand a little bit firmer.

****

 

“We will be late.” This is the fifth time Armie has said that in the past 30 seconds. But Timmy won’t pull away.

“I’m just trying to ruin your birthday surprise for me,” Timmy moves his lips, from kissing Armie passionately on the lips to whispering hot breaths into his ear.

“There’s no-- Tim, there’snosurp--” Armie chokes right when Timmy’s bucks his hips for friction. “ _Fuck_. You’re hard.”

Timmy stops, he’s staring at Armie with heavy-lidded eyes, “Surprise, Mr. Hammer.”

There aren’t many things that can distract Armie from worshipping Timmy’s body. Whenever they get together like this, Armie only has a single focus in mind and he is relentless. Armie doesn’t keep it a secret that he worships his lover. Everyone close to them knows and it’s not like an addiction, it’s more like devotion. And Armie is fiercely protective when it comes to Timmy. When the media was ravaging for stories of his divorce, Armie couldn’t care less. But the moment someone mentioned Timmy’s name in the midst of it all and Armie’s publicist issued a cease-and-desist immediately. A potential defamation lawsuit was brought up and that fire was put out before it caused any smoke.

Not many things can distract Armie for his focus, but today, it’s different.

“God, I wish I could just… _wreck…_ you.” Armie pulls away but keeping one hand clasped gently on Timmy’s nape. “To just kiss you all over, to have you begging for more…” He tilts Timmy’s head just slightly so that he can lavish some attention to the younger man’s neck.

“Hmmmore…” Timmy gives out a low moan.

“T, we _really_ need to go.” Armie doesn’t sound convincing when saying those words with his lips still attached to Timmy’s neck and his right hand is snaking up under Timmy’s shirt.

“2 more minutes,” Timmy bucks his hips once more to elicit a groan from his lover.

But Armie pulls away, his face conflicted. “Your sister is going to kill me if we arrive late.”

Timmy slumps a little, his lips slightly swollen. Armie moves in to kiss the tip of his nose, a thing he often does that Timmy can’t get enough of.

“Okay.” Timmy shifts to sit on the couch, making his soft curls fall- covering half of his scrunched up face as he is trying to get off Armie's lap and stand up.

“God, you’re exquisite.” Armie steals another kiss, a not so gentle one- betraying his own words about being late. He lines himself along the younger man, slightly pinning him down on the couch with his mouth devouring Timmy’s. Armie has known Timmy for a while now, from strangers to lovers, and there’s not an inch of Timmy that Armie can ever get enough of. Armie memorizes every soft wrinkle and every freckle, every sound and every gasp Timmy makes when they’re together.

“Are we okay with Pauline killing you?” Timmy giggles in between kisses.

Armie stops, he grunts in frustration.

Timmy cups his lover’s face, staring into his eyes. “Come on, let’s go. We’ll continue this tonight.” He pecks one side of Armie’s lips.

*

“Just act surprised.” Pauline doesn’t even say hello as she’s opening the door.

Timmy looks at Armie who is standing next to him and then back to her sister, “Ooookay.”

Armie just shakes his head, smiling is disbelief. “This is gonna be interesting.”

A chorus of “Surpriiiiiise!” greets them as they are walking into the dining room. There’s a small group of people there already waiting there, complete with the festive head attire- a bright and glittery mix of birthday cone hats and fluffy reindeer antlers. Timmy goes to his grandma first, kissing her cheeks, “I’ve missed you so much, Grams!”

She grasps tight on both of his arms and keeps saying how skinny Timmy has gotten and that he should eat more, “Armie, tell him to eat more.”

When it’s Armie’s turn to hug her, he turns his head to face Timmy, “See, I told you I’m gonna be the one getting blame.” He can feel the older woman chuckling.

“How are you, dear?” She pinches Armie’s cheek.

“I’m good, I’m good. How are you? What have you been up to today?” Armie sits next to her without hesitation. She’d take Armie’s hand into her own before starting to tell him about her story of the day- today it’s the neighbor’s new puppy that kept barking all through the night last night.

“How are you, Timmy? Good?” His mom who has been standing next to his grandmother, is hugging him tight.

“It’s been great. Super great. No complaints. I miss you, Mama. I miss you so much.” The sentences came out fast and he sounds needy, but he doesn’t care. He can’t help but to revert back into this young boy who hates getting out of bed early to go to school only to find out that his mother has made peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast.

“How are you and Armie?” She is still hugging him.

“We’re good. He flies to New York a lot. Time difference sucks. But we’re good. And you’re still the better cook. Don’t worry.” He can feel his mom laughing at the last comment.

“Nicole!” Armie bearhugs both of them without warning.

Nicole circles one arm around Armie’s shoulder and kisses his cheek, “My boys. My wonderful boys.”

“Thank you for doing this, Mama.”

“And thank you for acting like you didn’t know about it.” She takes a step back and cups Timmy’s cheeks.

“I promise it wasn’t me, Nicole.” Armie laughs, lifts up both hands in mock surrender.

“I know. Timmy has never been a good liar, that’s all.” She kisses his son once again and then makes her way into the kitchen before Timmy gets to defend himself.  


Later that evening, while Timmy is busy talking to his uncle and cousins about a new Off-Broadway play, Armie slips himself out to the backyard. Dinner with the Chalamets was amazing as always but he just needs a little space to breathe. Holidays have always been the hardest. Things aren’t exactly smooth sailing with his own parents and he is thanking his lucky stars that Timmy’s parents care about him like he’s their own flesh and blood. But it can get overwhelming sometimes- not being able to spend Christmas with your own family.

Armie takes out his cigarettes and lights one up. He takes a drag and then just plays with the burning stick until it’s half gone. His fingers are flicking the ash while his eyes following the tiny grey material being swayed by the wind. He sits on the small flight of stairs, watches the embers burn on the tip of his cigarette.

“May I join you, Mr. Hammer?” Timmy pokes his head out at the door.

Armie pats the empty spot next to him. He can hear the conversations and laughter from inside the house before Timmy closes the door behind him.

“Hey. Sorry. I was just--” Armie tries to come up with a reason before realizes that it’s just Timmy, the man sees right through him anyways. “I just need to not think for a while.”

“I know.” Timmy snatches the cigarette away from Armie’s fingers as soon as he sits down. He takes a couple of drag himself before stubbing it out on the pavement beneath them.

“I envy you, T.” Armie starts. Timmy turns his head to face him. “Your family adores you. They accept you for who you are.”

“Oh. I didn’t know it’s family-comparison time.” Timmy rests his chin on Armie’s shoulder. “Should I start with Hops and Ford? And how they always look at you like you hang the stars in the sky?”

Armie lets out a chuckle. He pecks the top of Timmy’s head. “I’m sorry. I’m ruining your birthday dinner.”

“No, you’re not. Nothing is ruined. We’re just talking, right?” Timmy doesn’t change his position, his voice is calm. “I adore you. I accept you for who you are.” He suddenly continues. “And I would like to believe that I’m family now… aren't I?”

Armie shakes his head lightly, still with a smile on his face. Timmy is right and he knows it. “Aren’t you cold?” Armie has just noticed that Timmy doesn’t have his coat on and it’s starting to snow.

Timmy nods, so Armie pulls him closer. He strokes his back a few times. Timmy buries his face on the crook of Armie’s neck. “One day at a time, okay?”

“Hm?” Armie lowers his head slightly.

“One day at a time. Not everyone will understand all at once. Let’s just do this one day at a time.”

“I know.” Armie kisses the top of his head again. “And speaking of one day at a time…” Armie pulls out a set of keys from his pocket. It has a small toy guitar keychain on it.

“What’s this?” Timmy is holding the keys.

“I bought the cabin for us. I know you love it there.”

Timmy sits up straight away, “You what?!”

“Happy birthday, Timothee.”

“Armie, you can’t-- You promised no present! I mean... I want to pitch in. I’ve been wanting to buy it for us too. Like, how did you--” Timmy is practically stuttering and trying to find the right words to say.

“I want us to have a home.” _Us. Home._ Armie nods after finishing his words, as if he needs the validation himself. His eyes never leaving Timmy’s. “Finally I can teach you how to fish now, T.” Armie grins, just because he knows how much Timmy doesn't get the joy of fishing. _  
_

“Nice try, Hammer.” He scoffs. Timmy is looking at the set of keys on his palm again and he starts to beam, his smile grows wider before finally he throws his hands around Armie- laughing unabashedly, “We have a home! I am just-- _Oh my God_ … We have a place! Okay, I’m gonna pay for half. I don’t care, I’m paying, okay? Armiiiee! This is amazing!”

Armie is laughing too. He’s holding on tightly to the man who’s currently screaming “Oh my God!” over and over again. He’d planned to make this into a big moment, in front of people with grand declarations of love. But that’s not them- they’re never the type who feel the need to parade how much they love each other. As long as the other one knows, it’s more than enough.They take nothing for granted anymore. A small concentrated dose of happiness means much more than a grand but diluted moment of validation.

_This is okay, we’re going to be okay._

  
===  



End file.
